End of Year Reflection

Deciding to Comment

This year, a friend gave me a book called Simple Abundance, A Daybook of Comfort and Joy.  Each day there is an inspirational message, a profound thought, or a simple message to reflect upon.  I've been reading it daily, for several weeks now, and find so much wisdom in it that I have to force myself NOT to blog about it daily and NOT to re-write her work for all to see.  With the New Year about to happen, I feel nudged to post some thoughts and wonder how the rest of you feel about the ending of a year and beginning of a new one.  I hope you will share your thoughts with me.

A case of year end grumpies

The Author (Sarah Ban Breathnach), from her unseen place in the universe, called me out in her message for 12/29.  She writes " Today is the day the post-holiday blues usually drop in for their annual visit."  Not that I had the blues per say, but I did have a mild case of the grumpies that was just under the surface and never would have admitted it if she hadn't caught me in the act.

As she points out, whether we are aware of it or not, we are balancing our personal books and tallying up the profits and losses.  This is a time of year that we look back to see if we achieved our goals, surrender to expectations unmet, try to come to terms with situations we couldn't change, or just begin to acknowledge we could have made changes but chose not to.  Even for those of us who have just completed a wonderful year, we still look back and find times we wished were different, adding a bit of melancholy to our moods.

No matter how great our year was, we are losing it.  It will be gone forever.  Pay no mind that a new one is coming.  It is our nature to grieve a bit over the losses we had, no matter how small, and the fact that time has moved on never to be recovered. 

She also notes that "we" are probably not feeling very well (physically) at this time of year, and should not be surprised if we have colds or chest congestion now (which I do, adding to my grumpiness).  The author tells that "practitioners of Eastern medicine expect these illness in winter; metaphysically the lung is the organ that processes grief".  Old pain, she says, has become a familiar friend (not a nurturing one) by now and is very difficult to release.

I think that having the grumpies, or feeling down, is natural part of the season; the ebb and flow of energy.  Weeks of hype for the season, shopping, cooking, parties, family and activity all around us.  In the final day or so before Christmas, my personal energy is draining and I find myself longing for the first week of January.  Yet, when it all quiets down the few days after Christmas, it is quite a no-man's land for me.  Not the relief I was expecting.

I don't rest as well as I thought I might.  I don't want to shop, yet I want to be out.  I need to clean, but I don't want to.  I don't want to go visiting but I don't want to be home.  Then, this all starts a mental discussion about how to get out of the funk and make the New Year even better than the last creating more stress and grumpiness.  I just want to tell myself to SHUT UP!

Advice:  Treat Yourself Kindly

The advice seems simple:  when this (holiday blues/grumpies/letdown)happens, remember to treat yourself kindly.  This is a time to trust, not to form judgements.

Trust that the kids will go back to school.  Trust that the bills will get paid, the work will get done, the tree and decorations will get put away.  Things will go back to normal.

Thank you Ms. Breathnacht, I was waiting for someone to recognize the problem and give me permission to fix it.

For me, treating myself kindly meant that yesterday I spent the day walking in the snowy woods, reading a book for hours, going to a movie at night, and letting the dishes and laundry wait.

It also means that I will not try to plan my new year today.  I will not set any intentions today.  I will not outline goals with dates and project notes.  I will not rush around trying to beat the clock so my place is spotless by midnight (however I will vacuum up the dog hair - ugh!). 

I WILL recognize that I need a bit more time to rest and enjoy whatever THIS day brings to me.  I will not FORCE this day to happen as I have tried to force other days to happen. 

Today, this last day of 2012, I intend to just notice the beauty of life as it is right now - not as it was or will be.  I will be mindful of the miracle of my breath as it goes in and out of my body. I will observe the wind on my skin and wonder how it all works.  I will try to see without judgement.  A dog, a car, a business, a person.  No judgement - just seeing - just observing.  That, in itself, should free up a lot of mental chatter! 

Tomorrow may never come.  All I have is now.  And I'm setting out to experience this time, the last day of 2012, with a fresh spirit, new eyes and a cough drop and a tissue. 

Gotta keep it real. . . .

Happy Last Day of 2012 to all my friends and family.

Jackie